Questioning Friendship

Finally I have some inspiration to post something!!

Let's start!

自从2010年开始我一直没办法释怀那件事，

那件事的阴影也跟随了我2年，

那件事让我自卑，让我信心大跌，

我也紧紧抓住了那件事2年。

我想，也应该是时候放下，是时候让自己从新开始。

今年也有发生不愉快。

今年的生日的前几天，我感到被忽略，被遗忘。

就从那天起，我就感觉自己是多余的，不被需要的。

那所谓的友谊只是漂亮的谎言，

到现在，我还是对这份所谓的友谊感到质疑。

或许是我自己想得太多，或许是我自己误会得太深。

8 月的时候，我因为没有能力融入，没有能力发表自己的想法而感到沮丧。

真的真的非常不好受。

感觉上我根本是不被需要的。

这也让我对这份友谊起了很大的质疑。

到底它可以走的多远？到底它可以坚持到多久？

就在12月我们出门的时候，我看到了。

原来我们那么的不同，那么的遥远。

你们4个人总是伴随着彼此的步伐，而我一直坚持着自己的步伐。

自己独自用那些大大的步伐一直往前走，

或许就是因为这些我才那么敏感。

我现在说这些虽然没什么用，也没什么效果。

但我还是想让你们知道，为了你们放慢脚步，我很辛苦。

昨天我想起了我生日的前几天。

如果我没有像当天那样突然翻脸，你们会意识到你们忘了什么吗？

如果我没有在面子书上发贴文，你们会那么关心我吗？

我不知道你们会不会。

说真的，我开始对你们没信心了。

如果我真的没有什么行动没有什么表示，你们真的会意识到我心疼了吗？

你们会吗？

也许你们会说是我想太多，也会说友谊是没有互相瞒骗的。

这些我听了很多遍。

你们到底需要些什么才能看得见我也很需要被人在乎。

我不像5号那样脆弱，我不像2号那么开朗，我也不像4号那么宽容。

但我更不像你1号那么积极。

我是我，我是独一无二的3号。

我是突然多出来的3号。

我不是怕被人遗忘，我是憎恨被人遗忘。

If I didn't do all those things,

Would any of you realize what am I doing and what am I feeling?

You guys have never experienced what I've been through!

I posting this, is not to attack anyone in any matter!

But to ask all of you this:

If I did not do anything, if I just kept quiet,

Would all of you appreciate me or even REALIZE I exist?

I'm starting to really doubt the trust and belief I gave in this friendship!

Don't tell me the same old thing that you told me in the past!

If any of you really cared, you'd remember me, no matter who I am.

You didn't just forgot, you never even had the means to remember it.

Even at shopping our paces are different.

Non of you make any effort to actually care about me at the front.

What am I? A puppet or a stuffed doll?

It's not just shopping, it's everything.

I'll forgive you guys once but never twice or thrice.

One is your limit.

You mess up once, that's it.

I don't mean to kick anyone in their backs!

I just want to know the answers to the questions that I asked.

I'm not metal, I'm not cold blooded, 

I'm made of flesh and I'm warm blooded.

I'm tired with this!

If I want something done, I'd have to take actions!

Where as the other 4 just got each other's backs.

Yeah, real nice.

No action no response. Nice start!

I'm tired, fed up, sad and pissed off.

I'm tired too you know.

Maybe I'm different from all of you,

From thinking to attire.

So, if I didn't do anything,

If I'd just kept quiet, if I hadn't done something

Would you guys even realize that I'm just a normal person and that you've always neglected me?

Answer this in an answer that can satisfy me.